"We are all motivated by the desire to make ourselves happy. To do so is right. However, we must keep in mind that too much involvement in the superficial aspects of life will not solve our larger problems of discontentment." -His Holiness The Dalai Lama
It's hard to be alone when you're constantly around others. I think that when we own our own house, it'll be a lot easier. 1) I will have a dog and 2) I'll be able to have any kind of locks/keys/alarms I want and can do whatever I want with the house. This will make me feel safer. The other part is that I will, honestly, be more comfortable in my own home. It's difficult to be comfortable in a place you're only renting, I find. I had this conversation with D today when we were talking about cleaning. We both do the bare minimum but if we owned this place, it'd be a lot more crazy cleaning. We're both neat freaks in certain aspects of our lives, and it'll be exciting when we own our own place.
Another thing I'm looking forward to doing is painting my walls. We each get our own room plus a bedroom that we share. We have our own space, but my space needs to be really creative and inspiring because I do a lot of creative things in it. It's my zen-room. Now at the moment it's creative because I have pictures and cork-boards and mementos everywhere. If you've ever seen One Tree Hill, you'll know what I actually want to do once we own a place. Think Peyton's room but more like me (less dark, basically). I want to be able to paint the walls in weird ways, in any colours I want. I want to be able to change everything drastically at a moments notice. I want to explore my creative side and not worry about my landlords yelling at me.
I think that while material goods are only part of being happy (and yes, I could be happy without gadgets, though not books), having my own place would really go a long way to making me feel safe and stable. So this is my main goal for this year... to have a house that I can do anything with (with compromises for D, of course, but he's pretty artsy, too).
I just want to fill my life with positive things. Artsy things. Inspiring things.
I want to live, not just exist. There's a difference. Is anybody home in me? That's what I need to do is bring myself home.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Family Matters.
Of course that title could be taken two ways. The way where family is important, or the way that there are matters concerning the family. My life, at the moment, includes both.
I've come to the realization that just because you haven't talked to someone in years (or ever) doesn't mean you can't start. It doesn't matter that neither party has been very nice in the past, that neither party has WANTED to know the other, and that both parties could survive just fine without the other.
The realization that my grandparents are getting older and more likely to pass on hit me hard. The realization that life can be altered at any moment also hit me hard. I wasn't really in denial about death, but a few times in 2009 I was faced with the possibility of losing people I cared deeply about and that was incredibly hard to cope with. I had been having difficulty coping with life in general because of illness, finances, my parents divorce (three years ongoing), and various other lives moving forward when I felt I was moving backwards at a considerable rate.
I'm lucky that I have a supportive boyfriend and incredibly supportive best friends (Melissa and Kale) or I would probably not be around at the moment. I've struggled with depression over having to quit a good job for my health, depression over not finding out what my health problems actually were, and depression over the fact that I DO want a relationship with other people. I had convinced myself I could be a hermit, but really... what's life without some form of human connection? I maintain that I really could read my life away, but what does that do for me? Yes, I'll probably learn something, but what's the point of learning anything if you don't do anything with it.
My mini epiphany that I should go back to school this upcoming year has done a lot for me. I've been looking forward to it and I really hope I am accepted. I think this career will be a great fit, and even if it's not, it'll be a great stepping stone into future goals I want to accomplish.
I really hope Melissa and I can work something out with CHAT, though. I have some ideas and I'm trying to get in contact with some people to see if they're possibilities.
I think my main goal this year is to just be as optimistic and positive as I can be for myself and all those around me. I have decided I really could care less if people think I'm a raving hippy who loves everyone and everything, because I do! Hate is such an awful waste of time and energy. Love's where it's at.
A lovely quotation I've come across recently is: It doesn't hurt to be optimistic; you can always cry later (Santos De Limos).
Love it!
Why be a downer when people need some happiness? If my friends are sad and I'm cheerful, maybe it'll help. If I go into everything smiling, then at the very least it'll take a little longer to get upset if it's a difficult situation.
I'd like to be remembered as someone full of love and joy and that's why I am now ending letters and notes with "Peace, Love, Joy" because that's what I want for myself and for everyone else.
Despite having a crummy day today, I'm ending it in smiles, and that's a great accomplishment for me.
Hu-to the -zzah!
Peace, Love, Joy
I've come to the realization that just because you haven't talked to someone in years (or ever) doesn't mean you can't start. It doesn't matter that neither party has been very nice in the past, that neither party has WANTED to know the other, and that both parties could survive just fine without the other.
The realization that my grandparents are getting older and more likely to pass on hit me hard. The realization that life can be altered at any moment also hit me hard. I wasn't really in denial about death, but a few times in 2009 I was faced with the possibility of losing people I cared deeply about and that was incredibly hard to cope with. I had been having difficulty coping with life in general because of illness, finances, my parents divorce (three years ongoing), and various other lives moving forward when I felt I was moving backwards at a considerable rate.
I'm lucky that I have a supportive boyfriend and incredibly supportive best friends (Melissa and Kale) or I would probably not be around at the moment. I've struggled with depression over having to quit a good job for my health, depression over not finding out what my health problems actually were, and depression over the fact that I DO want a relationship with other people. I had convinced myself I could be a hermit, but really... what's life without some form of human connection? I maintain that I really could read my life away, but what does that do for me? Yes, I'll probably learn something, but what's the point of learning anything if you don't do anything with it.
My mini epiphany that I should go back to school this upcoming year has done a lot for me. I've been looking forward to it and I really hope I am accepted. I think this career will be a great fit, and even if it's not, it'll be a great stepping stone into future goals I want to accomplish.
I really hope Melissa and I can work something out with CHAT, though. I have some ideas and I'm trying to get in contact with some people to see if they're possibilities.
I think my main goal this year is to just be as optimistic and positive as I can be for myself and all those around me. I have decided I really could care less if people think I'm a raving hippy who loves everyone and everything, because I do! Hate is such an awful waste of time and energy. Love's where it's at.
A lovely quotation I've come across recently is: It doesn't hurt to be optimistic; you can always cry later (Santos De Limos).
Love it!
Why be a downer when people need some happiness? If my friends are sad and I'm cheerful, maybe it'll help. If I go into everything smiling, then at the very least it'll take a little longer to get upset if it's a difficult situation.
I'd like to be remembered as someone full of love and joy and that's why I am now ending letters and notes with "Peace, Love, Joy" because that's what I want for myself and for everyone else.
Despite having a crummy day today, I'm ending it in smiles, and that's a great accomplishment for me.
Hu-to the -zzah!
Peace, Love, Joy
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